So it’s been weeks now since this started. This certain “off” feeling. For some reason, everything feels off. It started the day after I got back from school. The first day home. I convinced myself that of course, I was supposed to feel a certain awkward uncomfortable emotions towards being home after so long of living on my own, but this felt different. And so I left to Spain holding onto this strange feeling without a name. Now I’ve been here for 3 weeks and tomorrow is my last day, and the feeling continues to linger with growing parasitic characteristics. It’s definitely a “feeding” sensation, like a virus manipulating its host.
A constant imbalance is what it is. This last week the nights have been nearly unbearable and I wonder what I’m missing that is causing this unease, this lack of a sense of security or normality. People give me some temporary relief, which is great, and I am thankful for people being able to allow me to have a reasonable sensation of sanity in my grasp. But the nights, yes, those are the ones that get to people, I know it can’t just be me. Things just don’t feel synchronized for some reason. It feels as though this period of imbalance is some sort of transition, but transition to what? To the rest of my summer? Transitions are usually incommodious in many ways, but I can’t put a finger on what exactly the transition is from and where it’s leading me to. I just hope it’s towards something good. Something that will ease my mind and these troublesome nights.
(Source: comeonmaggotbrain)
(Source: fashionoverhype)
